Why “I miss you” Misses Me
Quite a few people have asked me over the years,
“Do you miss me?”
I must confess that whatever my answer was
Save for a few cases
It wasn’t honest.
The truth is I don’t really know what it means to miss someone,
Though I keep thinking about it
Is it a feeling, a state of being, logical conclusion?
If it is a feeling, what does it feel like?
I’m relatively familiar with the standard spectrum of emotion
Happy, sad, angry
Some of the more extreme ones
Depressed, livid, elated
Some ambiguous ones
Frustrated, apathetic, nonchalant
But where does ‘miss’ fall on the spectrum?
Is it pain, numbness or pleasure,
Positive, negative or neutral?
Does miss simply describe a feeling of lack,
Hunger, thirst, fatigue?
My mind goes to nostalgia,
But to ‘miss’ I think goes further than simple nostalgia
Maybe it's just a description
Of the differing spacial states
Of two bodies at a given time.
So we are describing social traffic,
Collision or miss,
The counter intuitive preference being collision.
The 5 o’clock traffic report.
Maybe still an expression of failure
To uphold a social obligation
Or expectation,
As when one misses the mark
Whatever said mark might be.
To further complicate the matter
This supposed sentiment
When expressed
Presents an awkward conundrum for me
Because having no emotional foundation
On which to build a response
I am left with only logic and reason.
I must decide now between the
Socially acceptable lie
And the honest emotional truth
This tenuous position has led me to determine
That this sentiment is by nature quite self-absorbed.
Its vanity is inherent,
As it desperately begs the question of its reciprocal.
No thought is given to the state of the other party.
It is utterly and completely unconcerned about the state of the other
Beyond its dimensional aspect of being apart,
Even if it pretends to dote on the other.
Listen to it…
“I miss MY friend, spouse, relative, etc.”
It means you are “miss”ing from MY life, experience or space
An expression of need,
Of longing
Of lack
Meant to produce guilt
In the other for being absent
For causing a state of unpleasantness
Or is that just perspective?
Am I meant to feel honored
That you think me so important
To your well being
That my absence emotes a response?
It could be that
If the sentiment wasn’t so saturated with neediness.
The very words tug on your soul’s strings
And produces something akin to obligation and guilt
That can’t be good!
What if I am content where I am?
You introduce this alternative narrative
Where I am robbing you
By simply existing away from you
Is it only me that finds the expression of this sentiment
Highly presumptuous
Even garish
For civilized adult humans?
I make an exception for children
Because we know that they are inherently selfish
Being so programmed by survival instincts.
But mature society should know better!
I digress.
Perhaps a proper education on the matter
Will calm my impassioned outcry
Against this most heinous grievance
And disservice to fellow men and women
I must confess
However
That my passion is itself selfish
For I feel nothing of this retributive sentiment
Save with one
So it often leaves me at a loss when confronted
And having been thrust quite outside my comfort zone.
So don’t tell me you miss me!
Tell me you love me
Tell me my presence brings you joy
Tell me you want to see me or talk to me or visit me
Tell me you are sad because I am not with you, even
Tell me you grow nostalgic about our good times.
But I beg you do not put this unbearable burden upon me
That I cannot carry and tell me that you
Miss me
Or worse, expect me to say that I
Miss you
© Ryan J. Pearce 2021
